Wendel Clark

Everything that has anything to do with numbers, I always equate it to athlete's numbers. If my buddy Ron and I go to the casino and play Roulette, we bet 12, 17, 23, or, Tom Brady, Wendel Clark, and Micheal Jordan. I remember my pins this way and when I'm on a highway, other than the 400 series, it's the same thing.

So, when I jumped on the scale - nervous as all get out - and saw the number, the first thing that jumped in my head was Wendel Clark. 17 lbs.....had a nice ring to it. I tried my hardest to not eat anything for the entire week and made it. Through watching people eat, going to the fantasy draft with all-you-can-eat wings and draft beer, hearing about how great DQ food is, people seeing if I want to go to the Keg or breakfast after Zack's game, and massive pieces of cake on the table, it was a long week.

Well, I survived. The next hurdle is to continue what I did last week and build a little more. I'm sure Wendel Clark will be hard to replicate, but I'm really striving for something higher than Mark Messier...

Russ

A Breif Departure

I thought I might take a few moments and instead of whining about the taste of vanilla OptiFast, I wanted to talk about something else. Today, we said good-bye to my mother-in-law after a lengthy, painful battle with cancer. We didn't always see eye-to-eye on things, but I loved how much she loved my kids, and that made me love her. She was a funny, witty woman, and always had a kind word...almost always.

I want to thank her for giving my daughter a love for sewing and cooking. To watch her make a blanket, with the joy she gets, makes my day. I want to thank her for giving my son the advice to "hurdle any of those big boys that try and tackle you". She also gave him half of his TD celebration, and I know he can't wait to chest bump and say FFFRRREEESSSSHHHHHH after every score this year.

But mostly I want to thank her for her daughter. Ang, the love, compassion and courage you showed during this time, was truly inspiring. The fact that you were able to be there for your children and your big baby husband at the same time continues to bring tears. The morning I spent with your mom was time I will never forget. The way her face lit up when she talked to me about you melted me.

Thank you Venus, Mom, for showing me what courage, fight, and strength, truly are. When we meet again, I hope you will have a half glass of wine like Christmas and I can see your face get red and listen to you giggle like a school girl. We will miss you, but never forget....

Russ

Retraining My Brain

Well, I have had a full four shakes and I can report that I'm not dead. I can also report that the smell of these things are atrocious. I'm like an 8 year old kid taking medicine with my nose blocked, but at least it's going down. I can also say that I'm not hungry, but if my brain could get that message it would be helpful.

I actually had dreams that I forgot I couldn't eat food and was eating pizza and cheesies....yeah, I've got some food issues. All day today I've thought about all the things I wanted to eat and I think I'm going to go crazy. They said it wasn't going to be easy, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but wholly crap, this is freaking hard!!!

I don't want this blog to turn into a pity party, but I also want anyone who's thinking about it to know what they are getting into. The classes have been great and all the people are supportive. They gave us recipes to try and add flavour and I may get some today. I am looking forward to seeing when my brain will stop telling me to knock the secretary down, steal her sub, and run, run for your life....

Day 1 - This isn't going to be easy

I went to my first meeting today and got an idea of what I'm getting myself into. As I found out, there is no magic formula, no easy way out. This will be work....and I'm excited!! There is an unbelievable crew that includes a social worker, RN, 2 doctors, psychiatrist, and a kinesiologist. All of these people will be at our disposal for the entire 26 weeks and beyond.

We talked about goal setting today, and where you want to be. I've been thinking about this for a long time now and I jotted down what I want out of this. I want to play the father-son football game with Zack's team and see the pride in his eyes when he watches his Dad run around with all the other Dads. I want to go to a restaurant with my family with no anxiety that I will embarrass them by breaking a chair. I don't want accommodations made for me because everybody knows Russ can't walk that far.

I could easily say "I want to lose X pounds and be able to buy clothes from a normal store" - wow, a regular store for clothes; that would be awesome - but the things I just wrote down, and others, are what is driving me.

So, this is the start. We laughed a bit today - no crying yet, but those who know me, know it won't be far behind - and got an idea of what to look forward to. The first couple of weeks will be brutal, watching people eat but it will get easier. I'm told my body will have all the nourishment it needs, but my brain will have a strong desire to think it should be eating. They want us to start the process of portion control and not use this week as the opportunity to blast as much stuff as you can...well, so much for that plan. I guess it's small amounts of my favourite foods before next Tues - all in the name of not breaking a chair!!

Russ

No Man Walks Alone

Since I decided to take this step and tell everyone I knew of my plans, I've had plenty of emotions. It's scary knowing that everyone will be waiting to hear how this goes, but at the same time it galvanizes me to know that I can't hide anymore (uh, dude, how does a 450 lbs man hide?!?!)

One of the best things to happen in the past 10 days is to open my inbox and see a note from a friend, and in some cases a friend-of-a-friend. In all these instances, they wanted to pass on how happy they were for me and to tell me their struggles or the struggles of someone they know.

As I wait for my first appointment, I want to thank you all. I want to thank you for your quick note of encouragement.  I want to thank you for the quick phone call. I want to thank you, because even though this will be tough, I will be held up by some of the greatest friends one man could ever ask for. Know that you've touched me in a way that I can never articulate but will patiently wait for the day that I can give you back half of what you've given me. I love you all, and thanks for reading,

Russ

I am Looking for this Guy

Well, I talked a little about where I am, but the bigger story is where did I come from? A lot of people have struggled with their weight all their life. It has been a battle that consumed them and no matter what they tried, they could not win.

For me, it was a little different. When I left home for my first year of college, I weighed 215 lbs. When I come home for the summer, I was 205. I played 2-3 hours of basketball, 5 nights a week. I ran for 30-45 mins 3-4 mornings per week. I was active. Anyone who knows me, has a pretty good idea that I probably had a few beers here or there - and by that I mean I was getting after it 6 nights a week. This isn't a blog to talk about my college drinking problem - one bad habit per blog will be my rule - but I only bring it up to point out that I was not a health nut.

Activity level was a big deal for me. There were four regulars that played in that basketball game. It was 2-on-2 and real competitive. We had access to that school gym anytime we wanted and we sweat our asses off. It's some of my best memories.

As the next year started, we lost one of our regulars and were able to pick up a guy to play here-and-there, but it wasn't all that often. By the time I finished my third year of school, I weighed about 265 and I was on my way to today.

The bigger I got, the more self conscious I became, the lazier I got. It's a vicious cycle, and it's real easy to tell yourself you'll start tomorrow. I can crush this bag a chips tonight but I'll go roller blading in the morning and it will be all good. Well, I've been having that deal with myself for over 15 years and those roller blades haven't moved (that could also be because the one time I used them I tried to stop like they were hockey skates and lost a whole lot of flesh....Ang and Bob, you can stop laughing anytime about that!!)

This weight loss journey will always be a two-pronged attack; my battles with food, and my lack of desire to get off the couch. Ultimately, I control my own destiny. I can only be given so many tools before I decide to use them.

That guy in the pictures seems like a distant friend that I lost contact with. I can't reach him on Facebook, follow him on Twitter, or try and reach him by cell. He's lived in my house this whole time and I never thought to talk to him. I'm going to be spending alot of time remembering him and how happy and healthy he was. Maybe, just maybe, some of you will get the chance to meet him.....I'm counting on it.

Well, the title pretty much says it all. This is one of the hardest things I think I’ve ever done. I’ve known for some time that I need to lose weight, but I’ve not been able to weigh myself as the scales I have access to only go to 300 lbs. I had been going to the gym but the pressure on my knees and back made going on a treadmill painful after seven minutes. I needed to work-out to lose weight, but I need to lose weight to work-out.

I booked a Dr’s appt for a physical – ok, all honesty it was my wife that booked it – and I made the decision to ask her about weight-loss surgery. Something needed to happen and this looked like my best option. One of my best, and longest, friends arranged to meet for a beer to talk about an outdoor projector. We met at the bar and talked about the projector and then he said something that I hope changes my life forever.

“Listen, I need to talk to you about something but I’m not sure how you’re gonna take it”. WHOA!! This can go so many ways. When a friend drops this, you have no idea what’s coming, but you know it’s going to be huge. “Do you know what the Bariatric clinic is? I talked to a nurse down there and they may have a plan for you. There is something called meal replacement and she said you can call and they would be happy to meet with you”.

“I hope you’re not mad, but the guys and I have been talking and we are concerned”. I ran the gamete of pretty much every emotion – shock, pride, fear, embarrassed, but mad was not one. I told him that I wanted the info and made sure he knew how honoured I was to know that my friends really cared about what happened to me and I thanked him as we left.

I called Heather down at the Clinic, told her who I was and she explained with more detail what this plan was all about. For twelve weeks I would be taking Opti-fast shakes instead of food. This would equate to 900 calories, but contain all the necessary nutrients. This would allow for some rapid weight loss to make moving around alot easier.

The bigger component of the program is weekly consultation in regards to how I got to where I am. This will help me confront my bad relationship with food. We will learn how to read labels, what foods are best to eat, and how to manage my intake and eat foods that help fill me up.

This is going to be brutal!! During this twelve week, meal replacement period, I can have no food, and no alcohol.....sorry, let me re-type that for you, NO ALCOHOL!!! I have two guy’s weekends, a cottage trip and a fantasy football draft. However, this is important to my family, my friends, and to me too. 

Since I decided to take this path, I’ve been ashamed to even talk about it. I told a few people and got nothing but love. Told a few more and it was the same thing. Even through that, I still couldn’t talk to anyone. I went to spend Saturday night with some friends and I couldn’t look anyone in the face. I’m sitting there at 450 lbs and it’s eating me from the inside. So, the next day I decided to tell a few people the number, and now I’m writing this.

So, this is the beginning of the biggest journey of my life. In two weeks I go for my first meeting and after that, I get my shakes. I really want this to work for me. It’s scary because I have to do this and I’ve never been accused of being the most committed guy. On the journey I will have more support than one man could ask for. Looking at the faces of my kids will be the biggest motivation I will ever need. My wife, stronger than any woman I know, will keep me on the straight and narrow. The Curtis clan, well, they’re a second family, and just like family they will be another shoulder. My parents and my brother Bob have always had my back and now is no exception.

And finally, my brothers. These guys put me on this path, and for that I will always be grateful. I can never thank-you enough. I look forward to going to Fantasy Island and screaming my head off on a roller coaster real soon.

Russ Burmaster