Well, I had Fun....

I have generally looked forward to Tuesdays because I knew that I had done everything I should have to make my weigh-in a success. This week was a little different. I was not looking forward to this one as I knew that I didn't do everything I was capable of.

I had made the decision to have some drinks this weekend - quick sidebar; my tolerance sucks!! The night before I started the program I had one last blow-out. I emptied a 26er and had to break into another bottle for a few more drinks. I had drinks on Saturday and Sunday evening and didn't even get to half the bottle!! - and I was fine with having them.

Sadly, I made the kids some meals that I should have skipped but I decided to eat. It wasn't the worst thing, but it was still the wrong decision. So today I weighed 343.8lbs for a loss of 1.8lbs and a total of 97.9lbs. It's still a downwards move but not what it should have been. Hopefully I learned a valuable lesson and will use this as motivation going forward.

Match that disappointment with today's topic and there were not alot of smiles from me in class today. We spent some time on body image and being happy with who you are. When one of your biggest claim-to-fames is that you used to break alot of chairs, you can imagine this class is going to give you some flashbacks. I want to point out that I have said that I am proud of what I've accomplished and that is 100% true. I fought with admitting that I was proud of myself, but jumped over that hurdle.

I still struggle sometimes with crossing the new me with the old me and seeing myself now instead of the last 20 years. None of this happens over night and being positive is a work in progress. I'm not looking for sympathy here but I've always tried to be honest in everything I've written. I learned that my new lifestyle will be an ongoing battle and I won't always win. Now I'll find out if I will do what I've always done or if I can bounce back. I know what I want to do; I know what I can do; the time for words is over- now it's time for action!!

P.S. That was metaphorical - I will still be writing the blog...keep coming back!!

Somebody Cheated....

Well, it happened. It seemed like it was building up inside me, screaming to get out. It called to me, "Russ, you have been so strong for 14 weeks, you earned this". I have been hearing that voice since Day One but always resisted it. I had a plan, and as my brother so aptly described it, "You are such a stubborn prick you will not eat anything for those 12 weeks!!".

We supported our little friend Josh in his Boy Scout Popcorn drive and purchased some cheese popcorn from him. Yesterday, after looking at it for a few weeks, I decided to have a few handfuls. I was able to stop myself after those few handfuls - let me just point out that it's AWESOME!! Never thought I would enjoy the white cheddar kind but I was wrong; it was dee-lish!! - and went about the rest of my day.

Now normally, I would have really been upset with myself, felt horrible and disgusted and then just smashed the rest of the bag to try and feel better. All the times in the past when I grabbed chips or some other food and ate it, that's how I felt and it just made me eat more. This time, strangely I felt good. I felt good because I knew that after a few handfuls I didn't need more.

I looked at myself and knew that I could choose to eat something that was not the best for me but know that I didn't need to gorge on it. I was always afraid that the first time I cheated it would open the flood gates and I would gain back 96 lbs in three days. It didn't happen. I made some mini-pizzas and veggies for the kids for dinner, had my salad and all was right with the world.

By no means am I weight-loss guru. Everything I have done has been laid out for me and I just needed to stay on the path. I already made the decision that I was going to have some drinks this weekend. It's definitely not in my allotment of two veggies, one fruit and two oz of meat but I'm going to have a few. I'm also bringing a veggie platter to avoid any potential for the mindless chip munching that can happen.

The streak is broken, and the world did not end. I for sure don't plan on making those kinds of choices a habit, but I am pretty sure it will happen again. I never wanted to be a 4% body fat guy whose was completely consumed by all things healthy. I only wanted to be the guy that lived to watch his kids get older.....and have a couple of guilt-free handfuls of white cheddar popcorn while he was at it!!

No fancy titles today, just some numbers and a reflection on last week. After my first week with some food I lost 3.5lbs for a total of 96.1 lbs. I now weigh 345.5. It was not a huge weight loss week but it was significant none the less.

It seems that I might have been making my salads to big, but it was better than the alternative - eat all the steak!! I was told to start mixing it up and have a vegetable mix instead of salad everyday....broccoli, here I come again. They are still pleased with my work but want me to step it up by making meal plans. They gave me a great website that is run by Ontario nutritionists. There are recipes as well, and after making your plan, it will make a grocery list that you will need for all the meals you have set out for yourself!!

Before I talk about what's up for the rest of the week I wanted to take a few seconds and thank all of you for your kind words and messages. When I saw my new picture I was totally overwhelmed and all your encouragement made my day...thanks!!

Now, back to losing weight!! My wife is heading down to Pittsburgh for Black Friday - quick tangent. Isn't Black Friday one day? Then why the hell is she going for five?!?! Seems egregious to me!! - and on past trips I have made sure to get quite a bit of drinking done during that time. Seems like 2010 I will be changing my tune just a bit.

Instead of an orgy of booze and food I will be limiting the drinking by quite a bit. I am going to have rye and water but I have a plan. I will be adding some more exercise leading up to and following my indulgences and bringing a veggie platter in case I get the "drunk hungrys"!! (drunk hungrys are what cause you to eat a chicken cordon bleu from 7-11 at 2:30 in the morning!!).

I'm excited for next week as I get to add a couple of grains and one milk serving into the mix. I'll be able to eat pretty much what everyone else in the family is eating and it will be exciting. I feel like I've learned alot and know so much more about what I put in my body - seasoning salt has over 3000mg of sodium in one tablespoon!! - and look forward to the day when eating like this becomes natural. Now, I just need to figure out if cherry cheesecake is a milk or fruit.....kidding, mostly!!

P.S. When you are posting comments, let me know who you are so I can thank-you - unless it's my friend Michelle, and then I know it's you because you are talking about cabbage!!

"Man am I Full"

Some of you may notice that I have added a new picture. Thanks to my friend Jody for setting up the before and after. I hadn't fully realized how big I was until seeing those two pictures. As unbelievably proud I am of what I accomplished, there is still some sadness about what that picture represents. It doesn't overwhelm me but it reminds me of how long it took me to get here.

My first foray into food has not been what I thought it would be. My first night was a salad with sliced deli turkey and not only was it very salty, but it almost made me vomit. Night two was a meal at Applebee's. I ordered the 7oz steak, seasonal veggies and mashed potatoes and a take-out box. Sadly, it also came with mozzarella sticks...YUM!!! I gave the rest of the table the mozzarella sticks and put 2/3's of the steak and the mashed potatoes in the box.

The veggies were a mix of broccoli, squash, carrots and zucchini. These are not my thing!! I put a piece of broccoli and carrot on the fork and waited for the gag to kick in. I ended up eating them all, and it wasn't that bad. It wasn't awesome, but it didn't kill me. I moved onto my small piece of steak and about half way through I started to feel ill again. I stuffed myself....on 1oz of steak and veggies!!!

Last night was a little better as I ate my whole 2oz of steak and another salad. I was definitely full but no pukey feeling. I did have a small bite of my son's turkey stick and noticed right away how salty it was. It feels good to be back on some food and not have the immediate desire to eat everything not nailed down!!

Obviously I still have a ways to go, but looking at that picture, and seeing how far I've come has energized me. I look forward to taking another picture in three months and seeing where I go to in the future. Look forward to getting there with all of you in tow!!

Russ

"We may have used the word meal loosely"

The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride f@$%ing with you. F@#$ pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps - Marsellus Wallace, Pulp Fiction


With all due respect to my man Marsellus, today I am going to have to disagree!! I have just finished 12 weeks of a program that I thought I would have quit after two, with a 92.6 lbs weight loss after dropping 6.8 lbs this week to weigh 349 lbs and did not have one morsel of food!! I am proud as a moth...peach...you slip in one Pulp Fiction reference and all-of-a-sudden it's a full Quentin Tarantino dialogue!!

I have yet to fully grasp what I've accomplished so far, but the feeling is immense. About three weeks into the program we went to the States and were in Sears. I saw a rack of clearance clothes and they had a pair of $5 jeans on it. At that time I wore size 58 pants.....let me just take a minute for that to settle in....and the ones on the rack were size 50. I still wasn't sure if I could stay with the program, but I bought them anyways.

My thought process was simple; even if I never get down there it was only $5 and if I do, I will have some pants in six months. Well, I decided to try them on today and not only did I get them to my waist, I buttoned them up AND did up the fly!! Now, they are still a bit tight - I was pretty sure I was squashing the frank and the beans - but they are real close!!

I went down to the General a little early today and happened to see a man who was being interviewed before joining the program. It lead me to think back to my first day and Heather's dreaded words, "Take off your shoes so I can weigh you". After getting off the scale, seeing that 446.8 lbs, I thought I would never stop crying. I sobbed and blubbered like a school girl. If I had the ability, I would go back to that day and hug myself and thank that Russ for putting himself on this path. Don't get me wrong, I still cry, but only at important things like movies and that stupid Butterfly Kisses song!!

Last year I promised my son I would get skates and go back on the ice with him. I have not skated since I was 18 but I did buy the skates. They had sat in my basement until today when I went and got them sharpened. That's right, I went this afternoon and ice skated....and man do I suck!! I can't describe how liberated I was to go out there and wobble my way around. I fell a few times and made my way back up. My biggest fear last year was that I would fall, and like a beached whale, they would have to get equipment or something to get my big ass back up again!!

I received my "meal" plan - hence the title of this entry - and I will be doing some different eating plan. My meal can be 235-285 cals with one fruit, two vegetables and one 2 oz serving of meat. No dairy or grain products yet. HUH?? If I can have a 2 oz serving of steak, what the heck do I do with the other 10(just kidding.....as far as you know)!!! I had some serious plans for a turkey sandwich or oatmeal in the mornings - although if there are any lawyers I have created the Double Down light and need some help patenting that. It is one leaf of lettuce, three slices of turkey, tomatoes and cucumber, mustard, topped with another leaf of lettuce. YUMMY!!

So off I go to Week 13 in the knowledge that I have come so far and still have a ways to go. I can say, unequivocally, that I am proud of myself. I know that I didn't do this alone, but seeing as I was drinking all the shakes, I'm taking the credit!!

Russ

P.S. Ruth, there is no chance in HELL I am eating Brussel Sprouts!!

The Finish Line is Just Another Start Line

This is it!! Last week of four shakes per day. I know, I know, you wanna know how much I lost. Some of you are so darn impatient!! I dropped 4.8lbs for a total of 85.8 in 11 weeks. I now weigh 355.8 lbs and am astonished by what it feels like. By all means of measuring, I am over-weight. However, it doesn't affect me because I know that I won't be for long!! I'm wearing shirts my wife bought me last year that were way to tight, and now they are to big!! I wear a pair of shorts under my jeans just so they won't fall off when I walk down the street - I will save you the Pants on the Ground video!!

Coming up next Tuesday will be my first foray back into food. I have a small idea how it will work and it will take some of the guess work out of it. As I talked about last week we are stringently going to be following the Canada Food Guide, and I will receive a plan for the week, based on that. So, for instance, she will tell me my meal can have two vegetables, one grain, one meat and one dairy, yet not be over 275-300 cals. It is going to become a time to get creative!!

Everything I've learned has led me to where I am right now; on the precipice of another new beginning. While I can most assuredly say that I passed my first big test, my second one will be daunting and exhausting, but also exhilarating. I am looking forward to trying some of the things that I always found "gross looking" and hoping to add some new, exciting foods. I know that there will be days where a salad and some chopped veggies just are not going to cut it.

However, I am implementing plans for the days when I'm going to have pizza at a party, or cake, or even DRINKS!!! Extra walking and exercise plus going easy in the days leading up to an event will keep my weight loss goals in check with my "getting after it goals"!! I figure that I spent 20 years doing whatever the heck I wanted when it came to food and drink, and I can spend a year to get myself corrected, and then the rest of my life maintaining.

So that is Week 11 wrapped up in a little bow. No drama to report, just another happy week from the fat guy minus 5 lbs!!

Russ

Making Time to be Healthy

As the calendar moves to another page, I notice that there are no days where I can look and say, "Hey, we've got nothing tonight!!". Zack's football still has another month to go - three practices and a game per week - house league hockey has started up and Zack has once again made the Select team. Add in swimming for both, Allie's theatre class and trips to the "Y" and this schedule might be familiar to you.

Well, as a family, we did this last year. However, our new commitment to a healthier lifestyle will mean we can't just stop at McDonald's on the way to practice, or class, or game, etc. So this year we are going to need to use the slow cooker and be more proactive. We will need to have meal plans that we can quickly re-heat so our healthy living can continue all through the winter.

It's so abnormal to have to think about how the family is going to eat when the schedule is filled. I have spent the last three weeks going through recipe books to make sure I give the kids food that will sustain them and be great tasting. Going through a drive-thru really satisfied the time crunch, but it didn't give us what we needed.

So here I go again and I'm going to ask for your families favourite, healthy,  slow cooker recipe that we can all share together. When you send them along, let me know how many portions you get out of it because I will be looking for recipes with lots of leftovers that can quickly be re-heated for the family on the go...

Russ

Canada's Food Guide

Today was an informative class. The entire hour was spent on the Food Guide. We'll spend some time on that, but first, I will say that I weighed in at 360.6lbs. I will save you the mental math and I lost 6.2 lbs for a grand total of 81 lbs in 10 weeks!! Not only am I psyched that my total number is Oakland Raider Hall-of-Famer Tim Brown, but I've lost 81 lbs!! I am closing in on the end of the first phase and am so pumped about the results.

Which of course brings me to the next phase which will be a transition back to food. We were re-introduced to Canada's Food Guide - remember Grade 4 when they gave you the sheet with the circle on it, cut into fours and it had the groupings of food you should eat? It's been updated now - they have a great website where you can create your own menu that can be downloaded and printed off.

The serving amounts haven't changed much, but it's a great insight into what a normal, healthy meal should consist of, and apparently, a 10oz steak with sausages on the side was not!! My plate is supposed to be half vegetables, one quarter meat, one quarter grain.....huh? This seems like I should have freaked out more but I'm working a new plan. Salads, carrots, cucumbers, peppers....these will be my new food friends.

I used to think I knew about food, but when she started talking about legumes I thought it was snails. There are alot of things out there that are going to be new to me and not having food for 12 weeks may have benefits that I was unaware of. I am told that my palate will change to the point that I should try things I never have before as the taste may be new and refreshing to me. Also, everything will be super salty - I find it really hard to believe but that's what I'm told.

So that's another week in the books and I'm still losing weight. Two more weeks and we can start with the food....but I may leave the legumes for someone else - name still freaks me out!!